"Give them roots and give them wings....."
This year we discovered the "wings" part as we whispered the painstaking words "see you soon" to our firstborn...... we dropped him off at the place he would call home for the next four years, the University of Oregon......This may be one of the hardest, strangest, most fearful days I have yet experienced. My son lives not only in a different "home" than I do, but in an entirely different state!! I don't talk to him everyday, I don't know what he's eating, if his clothes are clean or if he is having a good day. He has been sick twice this year and I wasn't there to take care of him.....It snows there...Was he warm enough?? When he walks home from a night class is he safe? When he takes the city bus to town does he know the route to get back to school? When he gets on his first plane without us does the pilot know he is carrying precious cargo??
Its like living an out-of-body experience, everyday...
His room is perfectly clean, bed is made and it is quiet and empty...that room is usually full with life and with music...
People have asked us throughout the year "What is it like?".....
It's just plain awful....
It's just plain awful....
I remember it feeling so differently when I was getting ready to leave for college....I would bet alot of poker chips that my parents kept a calendar in their room, marking off the days until I left...at least that's how it felt....I don't think they were sad in the least....I think they couldn't wait to get rid of me....
These feelings are unrecognizable and completely foreign to me.....I ache for my firstborn....and its not just me.....we have all been greatly distressed by his absence.....a few weeks ago my freshman and I both thought we saw him in church....crazy, huh? But we both could swear it was him....same hair, same body, same mannerisms, etc....that poor guy probably thought we were stalkers.....my final child requested to do a report on the University of Oregon. She begged her teacher for permission.....my husband's emotions seem to manifest in frustration. I know he longs to hear from our firstborn more often and on a more regular basis....He bursts with excitement when we Skype with our firstborn or he sends us his latest song.
This part of being a parent is impossible to prepare for. There is no easy navigation as the day approaches. The waters are wide......
We pray for him fervently and our thoughts make small talk with him all the time....We hope that the morals and values we have taught are deeply engrained in the foundations that bind him. We worry about college temptations that might cause him to deviate from the path God had planned for him. We try and trust that he knows who he is and whom he belongs to. That his roots are deep and constantly seeking the Giver of life. That his soil remains lofty and rich in nutrients. That he seeks the light which gives him life.....
We have given our firstborn wings, but he carries our hearts with him, inside his,
every step of the journey....
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