A Work In Progress........

Self reflection.........

This morning I had an unusual window of open time..........

Breathing time I had not planned on...........These, sometimes, are the most refreshing.......

I have always known that I am not the most emotional girl.......not one to be quick on tears or a sense of humor.........sometimes to a fault........

But I also have always recognized that I am hyper-sensitive on occasion to unnecessary things, comments, gestures, etc........sometimes to a fault........

I have been trying to connect where that sensitivity comes from.....to be in touch with the feeling in the moment that it bubbles up........and I think it's beginning to reveal itself...........

Abandonment......

I think I am terrified on many days, in many moments, of being abandoned........

I will refrain from psychoanalyzing this.......I do not blame anyone, especially my parents......

But I do think, because my parents were divorced when I was 5, that some of it comes from those foundational days of my childhood......

I won't speak again of my father......I did that in 1 post awhile back and that was enough.......but he chose to not have a relationship with my brother and I who are both from this early marriage........

So yeah.....there is some of it.......

I had a boyfriend, only one really, other than my husband......I dated some but nothing very long term with exception of this first one (7 1/2 years)........

There is so much to say about that relationship but I dont know if I will ever have the courage to delve into it........Lets just say no one would ever want their daughter dating someone like him...EVER......

I hear he has a daughter now, same age as mine, and I am confident God has a purpose for that......I am hoping he has learned over the years, how to educate his own daughter about how NOT to be treated.......about what is an acceptable and unacceptable relationship and boyfriend behavior.....

I pray that is the case......I have long moved on from those years and don't look back.......

But...yeah....there is some more of the abandonment issues........

Anyway.....I am thankful for the unexpected moments this morning to reflect on these things.....

I continue to try and define some of my personality traits and weaknesses and why they exist.....

I am a work in progress........