From Lemons To Angels.........

When life, underfoot, feels like lemonade.......

or more like "lemons gone wild".......

Sometimes......... in unexpected but purposeful places........

It sends Angels........

And I am grateful.........

Welcome to Parenthood............

Parenting........

As a child, we internalize so much of what is modeled to us......

In spoken and unspoken words......

In behavior, healthy and unhealthy........

In love........

As a child, my ultimate dream was to be a wife and a mom, and in the small hours of alone time, I would lay the groundwork and paint the portrait of what that would look like.......

There were many things I vowed to change and reinvent in my grandiose future of being a spouse and a mother..........

And in my small, nieve, child-like mind, I truly believed that if I committed myself to those plans, that my children, because of my devotion and conviction in those ideals, would turn out to be "model" children and "perfect" young adults.......

And even, in the recent years, I am still shaken and dumbfounded that my children and teens have neither escaped from making some poor choices, nor stayed completely,  on the very carefully planned map that I painted for them and for myself so many moons ago.........

Welcome to Parenthood!!!!

I so "did not sign-up" for some of the boulders that have appeared over the years.......

I couldn't believe my eyes as I readjusted my view......."That cannot be what I think I see!  Not MY children, not MY family!"..........

I ask myself, my God, "Didnt I do everything differently than the way I grew up?  Didnt I stay convicted to what I promised?  Haven't I emersed myself in my relationship with You?  In Your house, teaching my children, faithfully, about You?  Serving, loving, teaching and seeking You the entire step of the way?  Haven't I been a good and faithful servant?

Why my children?  I have a solid marriage, a rich, committed, consistent  faith-life.......I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't use bad language, I never raise my voice to anyone, I work extremely hard, I try and be a good steward of my gifts, I try to be thankful, loving and kind everyday.......

What in the world could I have done differently as a parent to ensure my children choose Godly friends and make Godly choices?"

I sound glorious "perfect", dont I?

I am making my children sound awful in this post and it is just NOT the case....Not by a long shot!.....

But there are certainly things I wish I could have done to avoid some of the unnecessary pain and stress that unrighteousness can cause........I wish I could have avoided some of these growing pains, detours, teen-drama........

And as my final child has become "an alien" as my father used to call a teen, I have learned that God has a plan, in fact, he wrote them long before I did........Plans are entertaining, promising and even important to make as parents.......And I am in the parent majority, who wants nothing more than to raise a happy, healthy, faithful child of God.........

But God has a seperate plan for us all......Each one of us a separate purpose......

The boulders and detours are there, not just to teach the children, but to teach me as well.......There are many things I have learned through these stages as I surprisingly, disappointedly and greivingly walk through them.......first, to be open to what God is trying to teach me.....second, to be as thankful as possible to have the opportunity to learn, to teach, to heal, to comfort, to love......third, to walk as gracefully as possible through it, with all the self-control, patientience and love that I can possibly muster........

There is nothing that I treasure more or am more thankful for than for THIS family........This exact one.......The one that God has created just for me.........They are all of what makes up the cells of my being......they cause the beating in my heart, the joy in my smile, and the love in my arms.......

I am thankful for EVERY moment, EVERY mishap, EVERY "boulder"........

Those were planned just for me......

And I am "So Loved"...........

And So It Is.........

Well, it's Sunday and not much to report here at the WiseAcre..........

The house is mostly decorated aside from the tree and the Christmas table.......

The Christmas Cookie list is complete and cookie tins have been packaged, boxed and addressed for mailing......

A few more gifts left to pick up and wrap.....but the majority is completed.......

R.S.V.P.'d for Christmas Eve gathering.........

Firstborn child is midway through finals, middle child begins final reviews this week, final child begins finals next week.......

And in the midst of these tasks, a second candle of Advent was enjoyed tonight at dinner time, reminding me of the ultimate Peace in the coming birth of Jesus.......

No matter how hopeless and stressful and out-of-control things feel lately, not just in the holidays, I am once again reminded that my focus needs to be adjusted, realigned to the celebration of this coming "Wonderful Counselor".......

This "Prince of Peace".......

And it's easy to get lost in the preparations of "Christmas" the season........it's so simple to drown in the festivities and the tasks that come with it........it's almost inevitable to succumb to the "stuff" and the "gifts" and the "things" that surround it......

And I get lost.......I get spun around like the drum of a washing machine, going round and round, stuck on the edges, dizzy with responsibilities........

And my heart, as much as it loves to gift, gets caught up in the expectations of it all......the unattainable perfection of the decorations, the food, the gifts and the gatherings.......

As so it is........it is Advent......the time to prepare for the birth of this sweet, innocent child........whom this desperate world awaits.........who will come to teach us, to love us and to make the ultimate selfless sacrifice so that we may have eternal life.....with Him.......

And I know that He does not care about the cookies that I make, or the decorations in or on the house, or the gifts under my tree.......

What He longs for is my time with Him......that is where I will find all the perfection that I seek......all the satisfactions of finding the perfect gifts......that is where I will find all the expectations met.......

In His arms, spending time with Him.......seeking Him, knowing Him, walking with Him......

Loving Him........

And so it is........

Healing....

Nothing seems to come easily......

There is so much to learn.....

My son's healing is no exception......

What seems to be both sensical and reasonable expectation, ironically seems vastly distant and not easily attainable.....

But I continue to try and not be discouraged by the hopefulness I seek.....

My petitions for healing envelope my thoughts, casting shadows on my outlook..... 

Why must this ill force unrelentlessly  grip my son?

Why can we not penetrate it's membrane and begin to breakdown its outer crust?  Why are its pores so closed to receiving comfort and healing in this body it has abducted with no authorization???

I feel abandoned in my latest attempt to reason with this beast that unwelcomely resides within my son.....

I feel like my compass is broken and therefore my direction and current location are undetectable.....

What now???? 

Where do we go from here????

Do we proceed with more agressive tactics that could cause more negative results???

Do we respond with a co-existence of sorts???? Accepting that this uninvited guest may live with us indefinitely, maybe for the long-haul, demanding destruction and any healthy, productive future prognosis????

I have no answers, for the moment.....

But I am listening for my Father's wisdom... 

I am aching for my Father's healing......

And I open my arms and my ears waiting for his divine purpose to light my path.....

I am here, Father, waiting, hoping, asking for your divine love to lead me through this darkness....

Find me.....

Find him......