Is Your Tank On?????

Have you ever been surprised by something that you thought you needed, but didn't notice when it was gone?

 I talked to my Mom on the phone today and her voice was clear, her coughs were few and her tone was lifted......She explained her day yesterday with enthusiastic disbelief........She explained that when her cannula is in, she cannot feel the oxygen coming out and into her nose.  The only way she knows it is on is by checking the dials on the machine.  Yesterday, as she sat "cannulated", her friend walked by and said "Is your oxygen tank broken?"  My mom replied "no", that it indeed was working.  Her friend then responded, "Well then why are the dials at zero?"  My mom's tank was in fact, not turned on.  She had gone 2 hours without any oxygen at all!!  This is someone who has been relying on oxygen 24/7 for the past 10 months!!!  What a miracle!!  Now.....as I started to get incredibly happy for her, she reminded me that to be hopeful is a luxury at this point.  She reminded me that she WILL be back in the hospital eventually and although this was an incredible happening,  it was just a fleeting good fortunate fluke.  But  I wanted to lift her spirits, to just live in that moment of thankfulness for the present and take in the indisputable fact that she did BREATHE, ON HER OWN, for 120 minutes!!!!  

But my poor little Mom is fearful to be optimistic.  She has been through so much these past 16 months.  Her health declining steadily with each passing day.  The last six months have been spent more in the hospital than out of it.   Its beyond the measures of my mind how she keeps finding the strength to fight.  I am in awe of her strength and her drive for life. 

 I am thankful for that life source that keeps her focused.  I am so thankful that she has come to know God.  I pray that He remains a steady focus for her and that He brings her comfort when it is immeasurably difficult.  I pray that she knows the love He has for her, despite any wrong doings, known or unknown.  I pray that for whatever His reason is for her slow health decline, that I am forever grateful for this extra time with her.

There are a few things that my heart finds invaluable to beat for........in fact, if it could speak, I am sure it would define them as necessities.........my wise husband, my handsome firstborn, my loving freshman, and the final child of my heart.....

But deep inside, in the outer banks of my heart......where the Divine birth of my true-self was created.....I know all I really need........ever........even when my family is beyond my reach......

even when my tank is off........

All I really ever need......

is 

Him.