This is the Day........

My niece's baccalaureate last night was beautiful.  

The true love for Jesus and all our precious seniors was undeniably palpable in that place last night.....

Just overwhelmingly lovely.......

So this is the day the Lord has made and the day our niece graduates from high school.  For a parent and an aunt, this is so bittersweet.  Its the day we have worked so hard to train them for and love them through and yet, its the very day we have dreaded since our hearts were joined almost 2 decades ago. Its so hard to grasp that she will indeed, be leaving us soon for college.  A merit she has worked so hard for and a journey God has carefully and purposefully planned. 

We are proud of her beyond measure and look forward to walking this new journey with her.  

Congratulations, sweet girl........

May you always know that you are "So Loved".....(John 3:16)

These are the Moments.......

So....

Tonight is my Niece's Baccalaureate.
I went to a public high school so I had never heard of this in my small corner of the world until my nephew had one.  He is the one who just graduated college!!

So last year we attended my firstborn's Baccalaureate and it was lovely.  I think it is a very nice addition to all of the end of the year awards, galas and hooplas for our senior "babies" who will soon be leaving us.....

it's so hard to believe as I type that out loud.....

Anywho........
Here is the cake photos I promised although I have thought about accidentally forgetting to post about them......I didn't figure that would go over well so here they are.

Keep in mind, I have no intention of quitting my day job...

These will go on top of it after I drive it to my sister-in-law's house tomorrow:

In this crazy, busy time of end of the year projects, final exams, baccalaureates and graduations, I am reminded of just how blessed I am to have a family to love and to share moments like these with.  These are priceless memories that will be ingrained on my heart forever......these are the days I value above all else.....spending precious time with the people I love most in the world.....not only for the big events but the everyday, nothing-special, slow-crawling days spent encouraging each other, supporting each other and living in love.......

The Joy of Nieces......

I had a very special Aunt growing up.  

She used to make me feel like I was her favorite (I still think I was!)  I spent alot of time with her.  I helped her clean, watched movies with her, played cards with her.  I went to church with her on occasion and even went on vacation with her to Utah.

She was so loving and always seemed interested in what I was doing and what I had to say.  She made me feel valued.  

I miss her greatly and think of her so often.

I am now an Aunt and have 2 nieces of my own.  Last year my oldest niece graduated from high school with my firstborn.  They are seven weeks apart.  I had alot of fun this past year sending her a few care packages so she knew she was missed and loved.

This week, my second and final niece is graduating.  Tomorrow is her baccalaureate and Thursday her graduation.  I am working on a cake for her special day which I will post about tomorrow.

We could not be more proud of all the accomplishments my niece has made thus far.  Academically, athletically and spiritually.  She is so talented at so may things and the most amazing thing is that she is the sweetest, kindest young women you could ever meet.

We look forward to a busy week celebrating the end of finals for my freshman. 

We also await  the memorable events that culminate our senior niece's graduation. We look ahead as she takes the next step onto her journey as a college freshman. 

The Gift of Service....

I pray you are enjoying this extra long weekend, visiting friends, BBQing with loved ones, feeling incredibly thankful.

I hope you will join me in heartfelt prayer in memory of those who courageously served the United States of America, our precious country, fighting for our freedom.

I encourage you to take a moment to thank anyone who has served our country, past or present, and thank them for their sacrifices and bravery for us.

Enjoy a lovely weekend, no matter where you are,with the blessings of freedom and love.

Where Does the Time Go.........

Today is my freshman's last full day of school.  Tomorrow his final schedule begins. 

Next week he will officially complete his freshman year of high school and become a sophomore....

My firstborn will also complete his freshman year of college next month..

It really is absurd how time passes before our eyes, almost unbeknownst to us "keepers-of-time".  We celebrate and record the passing of moments, milestones, births, marriages, baptisms and deaths.  We are almost constantly cognitive of exactly where the hands of the clock circulate on the dial.

But then almost in a heartbeat, it is suddenly the end of another school year.  How does this happen?

I remember being a freshman in high school.  It wasn't my most noteworthy year and I would not go back to one day in high school even for a Rolex.  However, I do remember the feeling that my life really hadn't even begun yet.  That I had my whole life in front of me....

Plenty of time......

And in high school, its true that we had to set our alarm clocks for school, get to our next class on time, and turn in our homework on time.  But for the most part, time was plentiful and even passed painfully slow at times.  Our allowance of time was much more generous, accountable and abundant.

At least that's how it felt to me.

But at the ripe old age of 47, I have become slowly aware of just how effortlessly it glides by. 

With the gift of time (and age..is that a gift?) I have tried to learn to be a much better steward of the moments that pass.  To try and live fully, present in each, with all my senses fully awake.  To be more reticent of every breath, experience the warmth of love with less reservation, to seek opportunities for joy...

May the end of the school year and the approaching days of summer bring you more time...

May the days bring a lighter load, the easiness of sunshine, and the discernment of your presence in them...

This Healing Orchard.......

Nine months or so after we moved to the home we live in now, there was a knock at the door...

"I used to live here", the woman explained.  

She was a women about my age at the time.  She seemed unintrusive and harmless...

"My Mom is buried here under one of your trees".....

O.K., so that's not something that happens to you everyday, huh??? 

As my mind raced, I suddenly remembered we were considered "small farmers" in my area.  Although small, we had an orchard filled with about 126ish trees, give or take....

She explained that her Mom was battling breast cancer while they lived here and that she loved this house and the orchard.

"I'm so sorry about your Mom" I said.

Seemingly a bit put off, she questioned, 

"Oh...Why?"

"Well, because she didn't find healing here" I shared.

"Oh, but she did!!" 

She seemed so at peace as she proclaimed those words.  

I have thought about those few moments in time so often in the last ten years I've lived here.  Everytime I work in the orchard or just take a walk though the stone pathway that my husband and I laid throughout it,  her words echo in my heart.

I find this place so incredibly peaceful, especially now, as we so painstakingly trying to hang onto it.

Today, as I watered and milled about, I was reminded again how generous this orchard has been to those that have lived here.  

When we purchased this home the realtor kept "selling" us the same line.  He redundantly kept remarking that this was an "entertainers" home.  That this house "liked parties".

Hmmmmm.....

At the time, a Mom of three small children, I immediately pictured people with a six pack in their hands knocking on our door months later asking, "Where's the party?"...

That never happened, but you can imagine my concern.

Since we have lived here we have had 2 weddings, a baby shower, a bridal shower, many birthday gatherings, graduation parties, first communion and confirmation celebrations.

This house doesn't "love parties" it LOVES PEOPLE.  I have explained this to many guests how this house just invites you in hoping you will feel warm and welcome in its dwellings.

If we ever leave here.....its that generosity this house has given us, or family and friends, that I will be forever grateful for.  I will treasure the solitude and healing this house has enveloped us with.

The woman at the door asked if she could walk through the orchard and find the tree her Mom's ashes were buried under.

"Of course" I said...."Take your time".....

I often wonder what tree her Mom requested to be buried under.  What tree brought her so much comfort in those final days during a long, fatal battle with illness, when it became time to prepare for end of it.

I wonder why she chose the tree she did.  

I wanted to give the woman at my door the space and privacy to visit that tree privately, so I have no idea which one it is.

But I think of her often, and as I care for these trees and try to be a good steward while I tend to them, I can't help but think of her, 

close my eyes 

and be thankful....

The Ecomony and the Endurance to Sustain it......

I am not an economist or finance guru.....This will not be a blog or a post offering any educational information regarding the economy, politics or the current State of the Union...

But we are a middle class family grieving our tremendous financial losses of the past several years....

And its just not getting any better...  

My husband and I are not unemployed but we are small business owners who have managed, by the grace of God, to remain in our home, pay our bills, and watch everything we have worked the last 22 years for, slowly evaporate.

Anyone else looking through similar lenses?

Please don't misunderstand, I am genuinely grateful to still be in my home and put food on the table.

I am not entitled to live in this home or any other.  It is not my "right".  

I am not drilling for sympathy or a shoulder to cry on....

Its just been exhausting trying to keep our head above water for a long time....

We have made cut backs to every line item in the budget we possibly can, but we just can't seem to reduce the burden....

However.......

We are going to wake up tomorrow and keep trying.....They are going to have to "take us down swinging", I guess......or at least until we just cant invent another option...

This is our home...

Its not a mansion or even a mcmansion...

But its home....

Inside these four walls, we pray for guidance, for endurance, for peace...

We pray that the love of God sustains us, fills us and encourages us to be grateful for our abundance.....

for forgiveness, for love and for health...

May God Bless you and wherever you call home.

A Slow, Sunny Saturday.....

Today is Saturday.....

A slower Saturday than we've had in a while.  I am thankful for that.  

A day to try and catch up on things at home.....

It was also a typically gorgeous day in my part of the world....

My final child had a glorious ride and alot of fun with her pony....

My freshman is studying for finals....

I am so proud of his efforts as he prepares for his first final on Thursday.....

My wise husband is flying the friendly skies on his way back home.....

Things will be complete again when he gets home...

Except for the small fact that my firstborn is still in Oregon preparing for his college finals..He has another month to go, then he too will fly the friendly skies, back home to us....

Then, and only then, will we be truly complete....

My latest D.I.Y project......

When my husband travels, I sometimes plan projects that I don't otherwise have time to complete... These are usually the bigger D.I.Y. projects like loft beds, panel moulding, stenciling, or room painting.

My wise other half is, in fact, on a business trip.... so here is my latest D.I.Y. project....

This is my before...

just a plain, old garage door....

now it looks like this:

and finally, this:

It is supposed to look more like carriage doors...

Now I hold my breath until my husband gets home....

Our Birthday Baby!!!

Today is my final child's birthday....

She is also my baby girl.....

I hope she knows how much she is treasured today.......

that she has brought so much life to our family....

She is a lady of many words, endless animation, boundless energy, and bursting volume....

She has taught us the honesty in compassion, the tireless quality of courage,

She brings us a wealth of emotion and she has encouraged us to stretch ourselves beyond our own understanding, and to try again, tomorrow....

We are so blessed to be part of her world and we are so thankful for the gift of her heart....

Happy Birthday, sweet girl!!

To be a King, or not to be?.........

Oh my freshman!!

The end of the school year is approaching which means all three of my wee ones are beginning to review (and stress) for finals....My final child, although new to the "finals" era (she has just entered middle school), probably has the least cortisol level of the three.  My firstborn, a veteran by now, has finals as well as a "board review" in his Music Program at the University of Oregon.  His levels are probably rising by the day until he has crossed his last "T" and dotted his last "i" sometime in mid June.  

My freshman, however, is trying to figure it all out, how to organize his studies, how to review, what to review, how to map out his time in these several days leading up to high school "finals".......

This child, by unanimous vote, is the mini version of my husband.  Maybe not in every aspect, but its probably in the 90ish percentile.  He is extremely bright, highly creative and incredibly stubborn.  We have tried to help him throughout the years with his organization.  If you opened his backpack right now or his school locker, you would be immediately greeted with a loose, crumpled maze of papers, possible homework assignments, stray wrappers and minor resemblances of unidentified academic memorabilia.

We have been encouraging him for years to get try and conduct himself in a more orderly fashion.

To no avail......

As finals approach in the next 10ish days, we are once again reciting this script...
He is adamant about doing it "his own way".  He doesn't want us to "control" how he "does things".  He wont "be motivated" if we tell him "what to do"....
Anyone heard this before from their 15 year old???

We try, very lovingly, to explain that we have done this before, we were once 15 year old, and we did happen to give birth to a male child 3 1/2 years prior to him that successfully entered college.  I can see my freshman's face begin to contort into the alien that he occasionally becomes, especially when we rehearse this script of organization.  We continue to explain, calmly but at a slightly higher volume, that in fact he has not recently handled his organization on his own very well.  That we are only trying to help him succeed in HIS desire to go to the best college he can get into.  He repeats the "I know but..."s once again.

So here is my profound parent statement of the day......

Ready!.....

"We are not trying to rule the kingdom here by being the King and Queen...We are just trying to help you become a King".......!

We all stood there in the kitchen and laughed which lightened the mood alittle!  I don't know where that came from it just popped out in the midst of frustration and nonsensically redundant conversation.
It was funny at the time...
I just hope it helps Our Majesty, pass his finals, with an organized, "Royal" success!!!!

To Mothers.....with Love...

Wishing those who share with me the blessed title of "Mom".....a wonderful, day celebrating the most valuable role on earth....

I pray you take in the day slowly today,  listen carefully to the words of those you have helped bring into the world....

Take the day in with deep breath, letting the air from the room you are hopefully sharing with your loved ones, fill your lungs fully...

May your hugs be long and purposeful today, embracing the warmth and profound treasure of each moment....

May the revelation of the gifts that you have given of yourself, 

the sacrifices,

 the complete dedication you devote to your families,

 everyday, 

make your heart expand in new, surprising ways...

For all those who have touched the life of a child,

 even a child that has not passed through your own body, 

with nurture, kindness, and love, I celebrate you today!! 

Being a Mom is the greatest gift I will ever receive......

my children are my most valued treasure...

and I am blessed far more than I deserve

to be able to hear just one word...

"Mom".

Being a Mom...Part 5....Wings

"Give them roots and give them wings....."

This year we discovered the "wings" part as we whispered the painstaking words "see you soon" to our firstborn...... we dropped him off at the place he would call home for the next four years, the University of Oregon......This may be one of the hardest, strangest, most fearful days I have yet experienced.  My son lives not only in a different "home" than I do, but in an entirely different state!!  I don't talk to him everyday, I don't know what he's eating, if his clothes are clean or if he is having a good day.  He has been sick twice this year and I wasn't there to take care of him.....It snows there...Was he warm enough??  When he walks home from a night class is he safe?  When he takes the city bus to town does he know the route to get back to school?  When he gets on his first plane without us does the pilot know he is carrying precious cargo??

Its like living an out-of-body experience, everyday...

His room is perfectly clean, bed is made and it is quiet and empty...that room is usually full with life and with music...

People have asked us throughout the year "What is it like?".....
It's just plain awful....

I remember it feeling so differently when I was getting ready to leave for college....I would bet alot of poker chips that my parents kept a calendar in their room, marking off the days until I left...at least that's how it felt....I don't think they were sad in the least....I think they couldn't wait to get rid of me....

These feelings are unrecognizable and completely foreign to me.....I ache for my firstborn....and its not just me.....we have all been greatly distressed by his absence.....a few weeks ago my freshman and I both thought we saw him in church....crazy, huh?  But we both could swear it was him....same hair, same body, same mannerisms, etc....that poor guy probably thought we were stalkers.....my final child requested to do a report on the University of Oregon. She begged her teacher for permission.....my husband's emotions seem to manifest in frustration.  I know he longs to hear from our firstborn more often and on a more regular basis....He bursts with excitement when we Skype with our firstborn or he sends us his latest song.

This part of being a parent is impossible to prepare for.  There is no easy navigation as the day approaches.  The waters are wide......

We pray for him fervently and our thoughts make small talk with him all the time....We hope that the morals and values we have taught are deeply engrained in the foundations that bind him.  We worry about college temptations that might cause him to deviate from the path God had planned for him.  We try and trust that he knows who he is and whom he belongs to.  That his roots are deep and constantly seeking the Giver of life.  That his soil remains lofty and rich in nutrients.  That he seeks the light which gives him life.....

We have given our firstborn wings, but he carries our hearts with him, inside his, 

every step of the journey....

Being a Mom....Part 4...Growing Pains

The footed jammies have all been packed or given away......I don't have any need to go down the baby isle at the grocery store anymore......all three are sleeping soundly through the night....

 there are no more car seats and they all buckle themselves.....no more strollers to pack......no shoelaces to tie.......no bedtimes stories to read together....

handmade school treasures don't come home anymore.......play dates turn into "hanging-
 out"....... prizes from the dentist are no longer coveted.........

its hard not to be needed like that anymore

oh, they still "need" me but the requests have changed......

"Can you take me to......"
"Can you pick me up from...."
"I need a new binder for...."
"Can you wash these so I can wear them tomorrow?...."
"I lost my wallet...."
"I cant find my right tennis shoe...."
"Can you sign this for....."
"I need $20.00 cash by tomorrow morning for...."
"I need blue poster board for my report due tomorrow...."
"The toilet is plugged....."
"The dog threw up......"
"My laptop isn't working....."

etc.
etc.
etc.

And Joy.........

There is immense joy watching them become adolescents.......watching them make much bigger decisions than which Disney videos to watch......discovering what their passions are and what inspires them......celebrating their new found accomplishments.......watching their worlds evolve and expand before our eyes.....enjoying a broader scope of conversation......observing their new found interest in personal hygiene and thought out wardrobe ensembles.......introducing new tastes to more adventurous palates......divulging age-appropriate, long-withheld college stories......allowing more and more independence.....watching them fall in love....

Yes......the baby things have long since been packed away....and there are so many moments and days and years that fill my heart with the fullness of motherhood....

But these days bring their own discoveries.......their own milestones in our memories....

I don't hold my little boy's chubby little hands anymore to cross the street......

But now.. I can't help but feel proud when I tuck my arm inside theirs as we walk together, across the busy streets and intersections ahead....

Being a Mom...Part 3.....Magic or Mayhem?

3's a charm, right??

Not exactly!!

After all it took for us to have a family,  I definitely had moments when I asked myself "what-in-the-world was I thinking!!!"

Brilliant.......I finally had the arms full of babies I'd longed for, a newborn, a 3 year old and a 5 year old.  

In theory it was a fairytale. 

I was blessed enough to be able to stay at home and raise my babies in our little yellow house, with a white picket fence on a culdusac (I'm not kidding!).  My life could have been the headline story on "Picture Perfect Life" magazine.

Sounds magical doesn't it??? All I ever dreamt of, right??

Right!!!!???

I have a memory like an elephant but honestly the details in those early years with three small children are very hard to zoom into focus!!  I remember the overall feeling, but the details get lost in translation.....

I had a husband who was gone, ALOT!!  My final child didn't sleep a wink, my oldest child was beginning Kindergarten and my 3 year old beginning preschool.  I must have driven around looking like a zombie in some kind of low-budget horror movie.  I really don't remember alot of the 1st year when my final child joined us.  Its written in the hard-drive but I just cant locate the files.

Then there were the "sick" days.  

Oh my goodness!! 

Why are all small children like germ magnets?? 

 I remember them being sick, alot!! That means extra trips to the pediatrician, and probably to the pharmacy and probably spending sleepless nights rocking inconsolably miserable babies while watching late night TV.

Then, without missing a beat, I would get sick.  

That was the hardest part. 

 Feeling absolutely green and having to take care of three babies with no-one to pass them off to.

It was hard!!

But.........

 what I wouldn't give to have some of those simple, dreamy, delicious days back.  

When I would wake to the sound of them babbling in their cribs or waking to yummy toddler feet poking me in the ribs or in my face.  

Spending the mornings in our pj's eating pancakes and watching Sesame Street or Teletubbies.  

Spending afternoons eating PB&J's on a blanket in the backyard and letting them run around naked in the backyard sprinklers.  

Wiping runny noses or bandaging skinned knees.  

Consoling alligator-teared toddlers or being a detective for the ongoing unsolved missing toy mystery. 

The smell of freshly bubble-bathed babies dressed in furry footed jammies.  

Tooth Fairies, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.  

Having them with me every second, knowing they are safe and happy........

What I wouldn't give, to relive a few of those magical days, one more time..

Being a Mom...Part 2.....The Inconceivable Journey....

Genealogically.....I come from a long line of baby Mamas.......Both of my Grandmother's were fertile extraordinaire.  One had 4 children in 4 years.  The other had 7 children.  

I think "the story" is that I was conceived in the backseat of a car when my parents were still in High School.  My Mom was 18 and my Dad was 19.  They married a few months before I was born.  My brother was born 2 years later.  When I was 5, they divorced.  They both remarried 2 years later within 10 days of each other.  Both are still married to that same spouse.  My step-father gave me a step-brother and my Father and step-mother had two children, my half-brothers.  It was a less than idyllic childhood......it was far from "Norman Rockwell-like".......

I married when I was 25.  My new husband and I both wanted children right away.
That journey took longer than expected.

After 2 years of ovulation tests, having dye pumped through my female organs and my husband having to impregnate a hamster egg, we were still childless and desperate to be parents.  We began several unsuccessful rounds of Artificial Insemination before we decided to try Invitro Fertilization.
We learned quickly that it would take a village and even another country before we could begin.  The cost of hormones were much cheaper outside the U.S. and the cost of 1 cycle of Invitro was daunting and draining to our newly established married savings account.  But we had to try to remain hopeful and give this new found medical technology our best shot.

We were successful our first round.  We got the call the day after thanksgiving........the call I had always waited to hear.......we were pregnant.

The doctor also told us that my hormone levels were very high which meant we were probably carrying multiples.  We both decided that whatever the number (we decided on transferring 5) that we would go as far as we could with all of them.  We could not go this far and then have to selectively abort.  We both decided this was not an option for us.
About a week later, the ultrasound confirmed twins.  A few weeks later we saw two heartbeats!! It was heaven on earth and I felt like I won the lottery.  I didn't have a care in the world.  I had a wonderful husband and I was pregnant with twins!!
We were so blessed....

At 12 weeks I miscarried one of the babies.........but by the grace of God, my firstborn hung in there.  I was on bed rest for awhile and considered high-risk the remainder of my pregnancy.
But from the moment I first saw my son's face, I knew how much I was loved and that this would be the most wonderful, valuable, gift I would ever receive.

When my firstborn was 18 months, we tried Invitro a second time.  We got a call the day before Christmas Eve.  It was negative.

There are so many shots, so many appointments,  so much emotion.........then the doctor calls with the negative test result......and you never hear from them again.  It feels like you were hit by a train and then left on the tracks like road kill!!  Its really awful.

We both knew we wanted to have more children.  But I was scared and apprehensive about another IVF.

We trudged on for round three.

On a Friday in June, 2 days before Father's Day, we had incredible news.  Our firstborn would have a forever friend.  A brother who would look to him with deep respect. A best friend, a hero.
We then had an heir and a spare!! But I knew someone was missing.  There was one more who was not there yet.

Round four of IVF ended with a negative result.
 I was devastated.
 I was so sure that there was one more child.
 There was someone missing.
 But I could not keep going.

 My heart ached and my body screamed for mercy.  I just couldn't do anymore.  I had to stop.
But my heart was wrestling for my missing child.......I kept telling my husband, "We are missing someone"......  But who? And how?

My husband traveled extensively in those early years and his frequent flyer days were filled with as many travel adventures.....He always had some colorful story to share about his adventures in the air.

One of those trips brought a "New Hope".....quite literally....

On a flight home my husband met a man who was either quite nervous or just quite talkative.  He explained that he had adopted his children from an agency in Seattle called "New Hope".
He had 2 beautiful daughters from China.
He shared pictures with my husband.
We began our application process immediately!!!

In the interim, my husband ran into a business colleague who he hadn't seen for years.  My husband caught up on current events and explained our newfound adoption proceedings.  This colleague explained that he had 4 adopted children and that we must meet his adoption attorney.

Six weeks later we were introduced to our first birth mother.  5 months later, at 4:00 in the morning, my amazing daughter came into the world with her eyes wide open........and I was the first one she saw!!!

She was here!!

She wasn't missing anymore.......

 and I knew when I held her for the first time....

that our family was complete.....

Being a Mom......Part 1

I always wanted to be a mom.

Let me clarify...........ALL I ever wanted was to be a Mom......

I loved my dolls!!! Oh let me count the ways .......

I had many dolls that all had been given painstakingly special, well-thought out, lovely names.  They were impeccably dressed, perfectly coiffed, and displayed impressive manners (for dolls).  I made most of their clothes.   I gave them haircuts as needed and designed new hairstyles by request.  They all had individually unique blankets and their own dwelling space, though crowded, in my room.

I remember being alot older than my friends, still enjoying my doll "family".  

However, when there was just no way to conceal their existence from my friends any longer, I remember being very heartbroken about retiring them.

So my daily routine with my "family" evolved into dreaming about the someday "real family" I would have.  

My Mom remembers that I always said I wanted six children. I just remember wanting arm fulls......

Then, one summer, I babysat my adorable 3 month old cousin.  I was 14 and so thrilled to have been entrusted to care for my Aunt's only child and my youngest cousin.

I feed her, bathed her, changed her diapers and just cuddled and smelled her!! I loved it.......for awhile.  Everyday my Aunt would come home from work and I would dress my baby cousin in one of the many adorable outfits in her closet!!  I was in heaven........mostly.

But then, as my friends were going to the beach, making plans about our upcoming High School days, having pool parties and sleep overs........I missed being 14.  I missed my friends.

By the time the summer was over, I decided I wanted 2 or 3 children, not the original house-full I had sketched for myself.

Its funny how maturity or a loving dose of reality changes our course. 

 I remember my Mom proclaiming that summer to be the best prescription for birth control she could have ever given.  Perhaps it was for a 14 year old girl.  Caring for a newborn was heaven but hard work, too.  It didn't ever change my desire to want babies of my own to care for......but maybe it did help me post-phone it for awhile!!!

Part 2...........Inconceivable Journey to becoming a Mom!

Sundays...........

Sunday nights....

Today my final child made a comment to me about Sundays.........

"Sundays are my least favorite days" shared my final child.  

I asked her why that was so.  

She explained, "Because Sundays mean that tomorrow I will have to go to school!"

Do you remember this feeling?  I do.  I even remember sharing those exact sentiments many eons ago, when I was a career girl.  Sundays, to me, were so sad.  I remember being out on Sundays, at the beach, shopping or going for a run, and it seemed as if Sundays were meant for families.  Everywhere I went were families and couples.  I felt like I had to be the only single person on the planet on Sundays.  It felt lonely.  The going to work the next day wasn't a terrible thought, in fact, I almost looked forward to it.  But it was the loneliness that made Sundays so awful.

Now that I have a family of my own, I love Fridays!!!  Fridays are my favorite weekdays!!

Not because we have fab plans or extravagant dinner parties to attend.  Nope, its because I get to be with my family, anywhere, for the next 2 days!!!  I don't care what we do.  We can stay in our p.j.s all day, grab some sandwiches somewhere, come home and watch a movie, or just do mundane jobs around the house.  There isn't anything I'd rather do than just be home with my family.  

And because Sundays are still part of the weekend......I can now enjoy those, too!!  Because I am with my family!!!

I am so grateful that I can enjoy Sundays.....

And that I have a family of my own....

and Sundays....

are our days......

Stress, Mindless Hours, and Trust...........

It's Friday, finally!!

This week seemed to pass at a snails pace for some reason.  Not because I didn't have enough to do, maybe because I am just carrying more stress than my body can carry.

Sometimes at night, after the hatchlings have laid down to dream, I open my laptop.  Sometimes I write here, sometimes I read a book, sometimes I watch mindless reality TV and sometimes I log on to Pinterest......If you have never checked that site out, you really must!! Its a great way to spend mindless hours on pages and pages of inspiring ideas, meaningful quotes, fabulous clothes, gorgeous hair styles and really anything you can possibly think of.

I have a link to the right of this page to my boards at Pinterest.

Here is a cute quote from my "Words of Wisdom" board:

I really must remember this........

Sometimes the stresses of life can grip us so tightly we forget that it is in these times we must remain open and pliable for learning......That these times are necessary.....

Its hard when we feel alone and don't hear God's voice or His direction......The noise that surrounds us binds us so tightly that I think it conceals His presence from us...........Or at least that's how it feels...

I know He is here.....loving us........right here........never leaving our side.....

I also know....

His greatest hope......

Is that we trust Him......

completely.........

Hope your weekend is full of restful, peaceful, mindless hours..... 

and in all of them,  you are trusting God.....

completely......

The Hatchlings and the Nest......

The empty nest syndrome....

When you get to be my age you begin to be asked life questions which proclaim to your immortal self, that you are in fact OLD!  Your "glory" days are probably in your rear view mirror, and your "golden" years are right around the corner.

I have three hatchlings, my firstborn, my freshman and my final.  My firstborn flew the coup this past fall for the University of Oregon.

So the latest, most popular inquiry is "How is it?"......."What's it like without him?".........

My husband and I, having almost completed the first year, can still hardly get the words out without quivering chins or breaking out in a downpour of sweat...

Its very, very difficult.........

This adult child, my very first child......the first child who called me "Mom"........the child I prayed for my whole life.......the one I didn't know if I would ever have......the one I had to inject myself with a boat load of hormones to conceive.......

the one my heart aches for.....

Its such a strange feeling when your hatchlings have been with you 18 years, and then one day live somewhere else......a different state perhaps.......they sleep in a different bed......eat food from unknown menus.......get sick for the first time without nursing care....

He is still so much a part of the home nest.......we left his place mat at his usual place at our table....

and we worry, oh how we worry.......

We count down the days until he comes home.......(about 45)......

I hope we are better at this by the time my next hatchling, my freshman, begins flight school........This one is already trying to stretch his wings and is intently watching his older brother's navigation of university life.......

We have three years left with him.......that comes out to about 1,215 days.....

but whose counting????

That Jacuzzi Guy.......

My wise husband and I both agreed tonight what a miracle it is that we ended up together.....

Don't get me wrong, we know that God had His hand in our union but we remembered tonight, agreeing wholeheartedly, that it is in fact a miracle we ended up together at all.

I first met my husband on labor day weekend.  He was making out with one of my closest friends in the Jacuzzi.  At the end of that weekend, she was completely smitten with him.  He asked for her phone number and kindly never called her.

We didn't have alot of nice things to say about him for about 2 1/2 months.

One night, a guy a used to work with, handed me his phone and said "Here.  Talk to him while I change my clothes."  I didn't have any idea it was the "make-out in the Jacuzzi, never call my friend" guy....

So after several minutes and the discovery of his dark past,  we began to talk about random things like the economy, the future of interest rates and what I was doing next weekend.

I hung up the phone and had the strangest feeling about this Jacuzzi guy.

We dated for six months and got engaged.  

He accepted a job on wall street and after we were married, I would follow him there.  

I never moved to the big apple......

I didn't marry him then.  

There were people whom we deeply cared about that didn't think it was wise for us to be together.  We were distraught and deep in prayer and counsel.  We were lost and devastated. Should we defiantly go against the wisdom of our loved ones?......or wait?......

Six weeks before the wedding, after all the invitations were addressed, flowers and honeymoon paid for.......we called the whole thing off!!

For the next 18 months we didn't speak.  My heart was shredded.  He lived on one side of the country and I remained on my side.....There were alot of hurt feelings.

We both moved on.  We dated other people.  We didn't look back.....

Until........

18 months later......

He called me.  

I avoided his calls, his messages.

But.......I used to have a device on my phone called "Call Waiting"......Do you remember this?  So, not thinking, I clicked over........

it was him!

I suppose, looking back, I could have just hung up on him.  I didn't owe him anything at that point and I had absolutely no desire to talk with him or see him....

He wanted to talk.  He was in town temporarily on his way to North Carolina to get his MBA.  Would I please just have lunch?

I refused to sit across from him, face to face.   It was way too forward, too intimate.  

I didn't want to have a meal with him because my stomach would be in knots.....

I agreed to a quick game of tennis, I would meet him there.  Seemed safe enough, plenty of distance between us.  We could keep it light, I could assure him there was no hard feelings and send him on his way in about an hour.  Even quicker than a meal would take!  

Well...... 

when I saw him....

heard his voice..... 

my knees could barely hold me up.  

My heart spoke to God "Please do not start this up again!! You cant be serious!! Please God, do not ask me to walk into this again!! It will not turn out well!! It cant go anywhere!!"

God, in fact, had His own plan.  Mine was not considered.

Six weeks after that tennis game, we got engaged.  

Six weeks after our engagement....

we were married!!

Its 22 years later!! Wedded bliss, you ask???? I don't know.  Its been as God intended it, I guess. 

 Its been beyond my imagination at times, take-my-breath-away wonderful!  

But also very scary and lonely times, too!!

But one thing I am sure of is that there was and has never been a doubt that this is the man God has chosen for me to share my life with......to partner with......to learn with.......to cry with......to raise children with......to balance check books with, sledge block walls with, and bury loved ones with.    

I can say this with certainty, even when the climb is long and uphill.

It really is a miracle...

We are blessed.....

Me and that Jacuzzi guy......

Brothers and Movie Stars.........

Today I felt like Kris Jenner, mother of the Kardashian Klan.......Networking for my son.  

My freshman is the actor.  He has been so busy this year with his high school plays that it didn't leave him any time to pursue any outside acting work.  Since Summer is approaching we thought maybe he could get out for a some auditions.

My final child is so proud of her brother......she told him she wanted him to be a movie star so that the whole world would know what an amazing, perfect brother he is.....

I'll remind her of this statement the next time she wants to give him the death grip....