If I Could Only See Inside.........

Her sweet eyes..........

I am fixed on them as though they are a door to a deeper understanding of what's inside.......if I could just see behind them and penetrate every cell that makes them whole.....I want to understand......

I was the first thing she saw that day she presented herself to the world......With a five month long labor in my heart, praying, dreaming, hoping she would arrive safely in my arms to stay.....

I placed myself at her birth-mothers feet, literally and physically, awaiting her entrance......this women of grace, gifting me this child, her child, to love forever......I was in awe of her mercy.........Of this gift....

Her eyes were wide open as she revealed herself......beautiful and tiny, yet so mighty, she took my heart right from my chest and planted hers inside it in that very instant........

In the wee hours of that morning, moments after she took her first breath, she was in my arms......She was quiet and so very curious.......she had so many questions.......

Those eyes that I look into everyday, still so beautiful, still trying to reason and understand all the complexities of the world......I want to solve them for her.....I would if I could......I keep trying......

I continue to be fixed on her......to understand......to help......

I am her greatest hope and so, her greatest frustration.......I am her guide into this contradicting, confusing world........I stumble and fall along the trail at times, and like a centipede, she stumbles behind me, frustrated with my lack of ability......I am too......

But I bring myself upright, once again, and she follows.......trusting me again and again, to lead her, to guide her, to understand her......I am in awe of her trust and I am thankful........

I have no idea of what lies ahead, for her or for me.......There are no maps to guide us.......the terrain ahead is unknown........

But I navigate with everything that is in me......with God as my guide and a heart full of love for her, that is my legend......

My truth.....

My destination.......

Accoutrements..........

I love the "extras"...........the small details that are unexpected..........

An unexpected small gesture of kindness..........a compliment from a stranger............some small profound words of love from my husband.........a simple "thanks, Mom" from a child.........

Whatever those extra moments are in the day that give it a lift or make my heart warm inside.......

In our busy lives, it takes intention to attempt to be fully present in each moment........

At the coffee shop.......at the gas station.......at the bank.........anywhere.......

It's the details that count.......those small, special moments to open a door, gift a compliment to a stranger, jot down a quick note of kindness to brighten someone's day.........

These are the unexpected gifts of the day that make it worthwhile....

Don't miss the opportunity to give them or receive them......

I feel like the more you give them, the more you will be present to receive them.....

It can change the direction of someone's entire day.......

Maybe even their entire destination.......

May we bless others with the "extras".......

May our blessings be EXTRAordinary..........

"Benah"...............

My husband, my son and I had a long post-dinner discussion about the word "Benah" used in Genesis....

Here is the word written in Hebrew ...בְּנָא.........it means "to build"......

The discussion originated from the intensive bible study my husband has been doing lately........

This discussion was specifically related to God's creation of woman, from the rib of man........

My husband surprisingly noted that in the beginning of Genesis, it references God's creation of man and woman.....It is not until the second chapter that it speaks of woman being created from one of man's ribs.......

This is where the word "Benah" comes in........my husband asks, "does it mean that God had already created woman and then "built" her up, fine tuning, perhaps, detailing her image?......Was she indeed, already created?".....

In all my own reading and all the bible studies I have attended, this question has never come up......

I don't wish to debate the explanation or my uneducated scriptural knowledge here on this page.....

What has stayed on my heart is the word and spirit of "Benah".........

........I read that God is dissatisfied and his plan is unfulfilled thus far as it related to a suitable helper for Adam.....therefore, Eve must have been so purposefully and so carefully created by God.....In my own small, human mind, I imagine God's hands, whittling away at Adam's rib......deep in thought, with a furrowed brow, planning every hair on her head, the length of her arms and the feminine beauty of her facial features.....Not surprising that she was created from a part of Adams body, so that Adam would feel a deep connection to her, a need for her......He used a rib.....she would be created at his side, near his heart to stand by him and love him.......that the connection they shared was so deep it was undeniably tangible.....that she was almost familiar to him.....she certainly felt " a part" of him.......like a "missing piece".......like without her, there was something incomplete........as though when she joined him, they became "one" ........whole.......conjoined........

It reminds me of how I feel about my husband......There was something almost familiar about him when we first met......I don't think we exchanged any words during that first encounter......but there was something almost tangible about him......I didn't even think he was a nice guy.....but something spoke to me that day, quietly, gently......like a whisper........

I forgot about him soon after that, confirming my initial impression......not a very nice guy......

Months later, I was handed the phone to pacify my friend.......I entertained this person on the other end of the receiver that night, until a few sentences into our conversation........then, the whisper stirred again......I hadn't heard it since that first meeting many months before....didnt even remember it until that moment......but there it was......strangely familiar to me.......strangely connected to me, drawing me closer........by the end of this phone conversation, I knew.......Here was the "not so nice guy" whom I never thought twice about, sealing my heart to his...... Right there....on the phone....that very night.....

Ever since.....

Shake the Dust From Your Sandals.....

Sometimes......during the month of October, my heart aches for that small child inside my heart..,.,

October is the birthday month of my Father-in-Law and my own father.....I assume thats why......

And the thoughts about him don't nest, but they occassionally fly overhead, breifly......

As my own three, precious children continue to grow and blossom before my eyes, so does my love for them......

Its unfathomable what drives the soul of a human being to live in a world, their own bizarre space, that completely denies their children's existance......

I will never understand it.....and this confusion multiplies as my Mom-heart keeps growing and expanding with the gifts and blessings of my children... 

What I have learned through this experience, is that biology doesn't make a family......Love does......perhaps that's why I am an adoptive parent.....  

I will never be able to love the wondrous ways my Heavenly Father loves me....but I sure try......every single day.....

And I hope that's the legacy I leave my own children......I cannot leave them earthly riches or promises of health or even a life without heartache.....

But i think they do know how much I love them, no matter what comes...,,i am here, right here, walking the journey with them, wherever they are......no matter what the road ahead looks like.......rugged or smooth, straight or winding, wide or narrow, uphill or down......right here......right here.......

And i have long dusted the dirt from my sandals and journeyed forward......,there is no other way......

I choose to live my life in thankfulness for it.....in God's love and grace....,,knowing He is my creator and He is here..,,,right here.......right here.......

Always......

Barebones and Brownies, Brownies, Brownies..........

Tonight, my middle child performs his "Barebones" production at school.  This is the annual fall production completely directed by the students.  The stage is bare, completely stripped of any sets.

And I, because I have absolutely nothing else to do, volunteered to bake.......many, many brownies...

Yes, I know.....wasn't it just a few posts ago I was "the Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker"?...

Yeah, yeah, yeah......I know.......I'm working on it......

Anywho, these are the brownies I made for the play tonight.....

We always love watching my son up on stage, doing what he loves......His smile is all the lighting the stage will need tonight......

May he let it shine.....

Always........

So Much For Fall..........

Yup......This is what it's like living in the South West.......

We are halfway through October (that's FALL) and it will be almost 90* on Wednesday.....

Yep........This is typical Fall in So. Cal............

I have a few fall decorations up but it is always so hard to feel Fallish when it's still so hot outside....

Last week we were teased with some cool weather, even a mist of rain.......

But here we are, again, sizzling in Southern California sunshine.......

And we are blessed......

There are people in the world right now experiencing heavy flooding, cyclones and devastating blizzards.........

It's a shame, I take for granted the blessings of the weather here.........

Today I will remember to be thankful for the warmth of the sun......

And my place, right here, in Gods gracious creation......

My Sweet Friend.........

We met in our old, familiar place.......

I embraced her, my sweet friend, with thankfulness for her presence.....

So very thankful.......

As she spoke and shared the months of time we were missing, I felt the ache of her heart...

As I listened, I walked the journey with her, always with her......

I longed to embrace this beautiful child I had met so long ago......

The sweet girl, ever observing, intense and quiet.......she was here......

Still searching, healing, pro-actively....courageously.......

In the quiet space of her new life she had found true love......

He was her "safe place", her oasis.......

His hand in hers, steadying her footsteps along this undiscovered trail.....along side her....

One step at a time, she treads....yearning for the enlightening of her spirit, for the hush of the noise that is so familiar to her........ for tranquil country roads to travel and fill the spaces of her soul.....

She is not alone.....no, never.......

She is worthy, she is complete, she is treasured, she is perfect......

She is loved.......

The "Pinking Hour"..........

Hello, Friday!...........

The days are passing by quickly here, at the WiseAcre............

Last night, my husband and I enjoyed some time on the back patio.........The hills were blanketed in pink, dusky sunshine known as the "pinking hour"..........It's a delicious view and a cherished time with my husband........The two happening together......a lovely treat........

We both noticed, this past week, that we were waking to much cooler temperatures.........The coziness of this season is beginning.......My very favorite season of the the year...........

We are starting to talk about holiday plans, the culmination of 2013 and the health of our business as the year begins its process of closing out........

I am so thankful for so many things this year.......For God's gifts of love, health, safety and provision.....

As I reflect on it, it really has been a big year......I think I probably say that most years.......

Hard work is a given around here, a quality I hope my husband and I have modeled for our children........But this year was/is "full-steam ahead".......I feel like we just keep/kept forging ahead without much time to step off the beaten path, even for a moment.......

I am thankful for the ability to work, as I know there are people still struggling to find it.......I am thankful for the strength and energy to push forward, everyday, without thinking......I am grateful to have a heart that enjoys breaking a sweat and accomplish tasks........

I am blessed to have a partner, a forever love, who stands with me shoulder-to-shoulder.......every single day......

This makes everything else possible.......This makes the work, the struggle, the energy worthwhile......

I hope, someday, in the distant future, we will be sitting on this same back patio.....enjoying this magical "pinking hour".........reminiscing about the blessed days behind us and stepping off the beaten path to enjoy the warmth of what lies ahead.......

Teeth, Floated............

So, my daughter and I learned something new today.........

We were privileged to observe her pony have his "teeth floated".............It was quite the experience.....

Yup.....More pony procedures........

Our pony had a Gastroscope last week and he was completely cleared of any ulcers........Completely healthy pony gut.........Yaaaaaaaa!

So we changed his food a bit and and discovered that ponies who do not live in the wild can have some teeth issues........

Ponies, normally, roam and graze freely.......They eat lots of wild grasses and even some roots......

Recreational equines are usually feed 2-3 times per day and eat a variety of hay and grain......

My daughter and I recently learned that horses' teeth continually grow......So in the wild, because of constant feeding and grinding, their teeth stay at a manageable length...

But stabled horses need to have their teeth filed on occasion to keep them from growing too long...... Having sharp, uncomfortable points on their teeth can make proper chewing and grinding difficult and even painful.....Therefore they cannot easily digest their food......Thus, TUMMY ACHES!......

So we are hopeful that his "floating" will enable him to properly chew and digest his food and have a happy belly for many months to come.......

Cheers, to happy pony bellies!!!!!

The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker...........

Yep....That's how I feel most days.......

Like I wear too many hats......

The problem is, I am a hat girl.......I love hats......I love planning for them and choosing them.......

I just wish I had more time each day and more days in every weeks so I could wear them all, successfully..........

Here was my "hat wardrobe" this weekend:

Took down all the solar panels

Hosed off the back patio

Water the potted plants and new grass

Cut the zinc sheet to go on top off my old buffet

Glued and clamped the zinc top to the buffet

Screwed in zinc top to buffet

Bent all edges of new zinc top to fit buffet snugly 

3 loads of laundry

Packed 4 Halloween care packages for nieces and nephew away at college

Vacuumed 

Groomed/tacked my daughters pony 

Planned meals for the week

Made a grocery list

Finished sewing the trim on my bedroom pillows

Ordered necessary supplies for 200 church cupcakes commission

My hats are sometimes heavy.......

Today they are manageable..........

I am just thankful for the blessings of strength and organization to wear them all........

Hatfully thankful for every opportunity to create a home that expresses the love I feel for my family.......

The responsibilities can be exhausting at times but I am so grateful for the gifts of all of them, everyday......